but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
