best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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