thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
