Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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