Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
