I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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