It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
