You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
