Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
