I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
