dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
