Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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