You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You're a waste of cheezeits
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
