I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
