i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
NoShamevember. You game?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
