i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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