gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
