im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
