Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
