I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We have so much sex to catch up on
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
