I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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