So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
