There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
