we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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