I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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