His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
