I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
