This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
