sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
