My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
