its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I need a burrito and a hug.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
