Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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