If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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