Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize