The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
