I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
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