I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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