would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
