Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.

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(305): View more from Florida

i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

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(310): View more from California

Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.

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(248): View more from Michigan

after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life

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(630): View more from Illinois

You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot

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(940): View more from Texas

Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.

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(989): View more from Michigan

I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"

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(206): View more from Washington

please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors

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