I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
