So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
