I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
