Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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