I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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