So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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