i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
