this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
