FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
pray to the hookup gods
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
