the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
