If i come over, it means nothing
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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