Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
