Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
