I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
