just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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