There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
