I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
