I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
