i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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