I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
