I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
